•Sacred Beginnings•
May 18, 2023 | New Moon in Taurus
As I delved into my latest quest to unearth my true self, the mystical forces of the universe led me to the alluring path of Shakti Embodied Reiki, masterfully guided by the enchanting Chianni Powell. Joined by Justine the Witch, the magic is already brewing within us, igniting a powerful and transformative energy unlocking sacred knowledge and truths within us… And it’s only our first week!
Learning that Reiki is about healing yourself first and foremost could not have been more kismet for me. I don’t know where this journey will take me. I don’t know if it will lead me down the Master/Teacher path or merely reveal different paths of healing and energy working. Whatever or wherever I end up, I look forward to the magic of the journey and all it has to offer.
I found myself in the beginning stages of creating again. I pulled out the shell of an old Grimoire I’d been meaning to fill for years and decided to dedicate it to my journey.
Shakti Reiki: Module One | Journal Musings
I often feel like a fraud. Imposter Syndrome has quite a hold on me. And even as I try to heal it, with the nature of this work and my particular gifts, It’s very easy to feel like I’m a fake, a fraud, or unworthy of the experiences I’ve had. It’s often why I seclude myself from spiritual groups, covens, and circles. It’s why I was so hesitant to walk this path with Reiki. This particular path is heavily saturated with practitioners collecting certifications, fancy titles, and modalities like they are Pokemon cards. I didn’t want to put myself in another situation where I’m being trained by someone’s ego rather than their genuine interest in creating that student-teacher relationship.
If I had to name one emotion that seems to live deep within my core, it would be a tie between creativity and inspiration. I thrive off of being/feeling creative and inspired/inspiring. In the most simplistic explanation of my purpose here in this incarnation, it would be to create and be inspiring.
I believe it comes from my inner light. My primordial form of flames… sparking a flame, creating a fire, illuminating… the earth, the soul, the sky, the cosmos.
When I think of this emotion and time of my life, my biggest fear is to be proven delusional in thinking I am who I really am. That everyone will think I’m crazy or too “woo woo” or too much for them. And as a result, cause I have seen it time and time again, I will be villainized yet again. Because being around me will inevitably cause them to feel fear, inadequate, or threatened. Fear, because I tend to conjure up scenarios that lift the veil of what folx are accustomed to… and not because I do it on purpose. I spark awakenings in people, and sometimes they just aren’t ready for it. So therein causes the fear. On my path, I often share tales of my spiritual gifts and prophetic dreams hoping to shatter the taboo surrounding these magical topics. Yet, some dismiss them as mere embellishments meant to impress. Eventually, when they witness the phenomenon firsthand, doubt turns to fear and insecurity. This causes division in our relationship and often leads to them seeing me as a threat. And while some merely choose to distance themselves, there are those who have gone far out of their way to villainize me and my abilities, discrediting my abilities, practices, and all the strenuous work I’ve done to build myself up.
I have already begun the work to soften and love this part of me, my strength, durability, and persistence to keep treading this sacred path. No longer battling these parts of me, but learning to nurture, tend to, and show compassion to these parts of me. Learning Reiki was my first mindful step toward this.
The evocation of my insecurity, imposter syndrome, and thirst for validation often stems from my own family members. As the black sheep of the family for multiple reasons, my spirituality was frequently the punchline of their jokes. Like the tragic Greek figure Cassandra, I often shared my premonitions with my grandmother only to be dismissed. Days or even weeks later, when my visions came true, she would refuse to acknowledge my accuracy. Not only did this fuel my constant need for validation, but it also watered the seeds of insecurity and trust in my abilities. Was it all just a vivid imagination or a wild dream? OR perhaps some weird fantasy that had no right being that realistic in nature? Most of my life was pervaded by traumatic experiences with my family. They never saw me as equal, proud, or loved for simply being myself. And while I used to see it as the greatest tragedy of my life… I grew to realize that maybe I would be repeating my family's karmic cycles if they actually gave me what I craved. If they saw me as one of them.
My safety lies in my creation. Nothing can harm me when I’m creating. Doesn’t matter what I’m crafting, painting, writing, or gluing… As long as I’m creating, getting lost in my thoughts with or without my music playing, I am invincible. Untouchable. Illuminated.
While creating lights me up, I find a deep sense of calm when I’m holding or participating in sacred space with my sisters engulfed in deep conversation. Discussing the mysteries and sacred knowledge of the divine, the supernatural, and the paranormal brings me such happiness and peace. Unlocking the hidden knowledge of our origins, the past, the present, and the future. It brings me home. But if it’s not something I can do, I find peace and calm by listening to music. Driving with the windows down on a sunny day down a highway with the perfect playlist. I don’t think I would be here if it weren’t for music. The vibrations and the frequencies, the power of lyrics, even ones in languages I don’t know…
I want to begin to feel happy. I want to begin to feel secure and confident in myself. Even as I am crawling out from my darkest night of the soul yet, I found ways to prioritize gratitude. But I want to feel it more.
I need to walk away from the belief that I need external validation in order to feel whole or complete. I need to walk away from not trusting myself, and my own intuition.
Discovering what I truly long for from within requires me to have faith in myself. People may exit my life, but I am my constant companion. Therefore, I must nurture and place importance on this bond with myself. Reconnecting with both my inner child and my greater self is essential to this process. I should converse with my guides often. It's imperative that I persist in my efforts to grow and evolve.
For more than two decades, I've been on this mystical journey. Despite feeling like I'm starting from scratch, it's a rewarding experience to revisit the fundamentals. It's a humbling experience that always teaches me something new. Incorporating Chianni’s Shakti Embodied Reiki into my journey feels right.
