• REBIRTH •
May 18, 2023 | New Moon in Taurus
2022 was a symphony of euphoric highs and heart-wrenching lows, breathtaking moments, and chilling setbacks. But somehow, it all found balance. As the winter solstice drew near, I found myself plunged into a chasm of depression that shook me to my very core. I found myself without a safety net - no contract, no medication for my ADHD, and my bank account shamefully empty. Everything lost its magic and I was left feeling numb to the world around me. Little did I know, I was embarking on an intimate journey, one that could only be found by embracing my shadows. My Dark Night of the Soul was upon me...
I, like everyone around me, vowed that 2023 will be a year of success, prosperity, and fulfillment… yet the days turned to weeks, and weeks into months. I blinked and it was the end of February. I was lost in a daze of uncertainty. Living my moments bouncing between overwhelming panic attacks, sobbing for hours, or laying in my bed numb to the world. I had lost my ability to mask these emotions I had suppressed for such a long time. My vessel was empty, completely depleted. Suddenly, every aspect of my life felt hollow, and I struggled to reignite the spark of passion that once fueled me.
There is great power in words - the questions they raise, the thoughts they provoke, and the meanings they hold. But sometimes the weight of societal connotations and labels can feel overwhelming, causing us to hide from our truth. For me, speaking out loud or even typing my thoughts has been a struggle, preventing me from fully engaging with life. It is scary to admit that I haven't been okay. But the truth is, I am not okay right now. And that's okay. I am beginning to find peace with accepting my own vulnerabilities and facing them head-on.
In my melancholy, I realized that in my endless pursuit of validation, I had been girl-bossing too close to the burning sun. As the daylight dwindled and the darkness crept in, I had to come face to face with the reality I had created. My vessel was empty, completely depleted. Suddenly, every aspect of my life felt hollow, and I struggled to reignite the spark of passion that once fueled me.
As the spring equinox drew near, I delved deep into the labyrinth of my soul, seeking to unravel the mystery of my being. I was struck by the realization that many of my daily rituals were mere habits, only pleasurable because I conditioned them to be so.
I began to shed the skin of my former self, rid myself of stale habits once held dear, and embarked on yet another journey of self-discovery. This process led me down a path of experimentation, where I explored the imbalances of my life. When all was said and done, I made the ultimate choice to set aside the multitude of side projects and put myself first.
As the fiery tendrils of the Beltane blaze illuminated the night sky, I made a solemn promise. I pledged to bid farewell to endeavors and individuals that failed to honor my boundaries, my health, or my beliefs. This Beltane marked a new beginning, one filled with self-respect, prosperous possibilities, and mindful practices and experiences. I am feeding my soul with what truly sparks joy - heartfelt conversations, mindful rituals, restful slumber, and blissful motion. Above all, I am embracing love for myself and the enchanting world we inhabit. It’s definitely way easier said than done… but, baby steps.
In the depths of the soul's darkest night lies a transformative power, one that is both daunting and vital. It ignites the transformation for whatever lies ahead.
What enchanting destiny awaits?
